All this week's news about Angelina Jolie.

Publications: In Touch, Star
Date: 27 June 2011

Angelina Jolie is the center of the American gossip solar system and everything revolves around her. This was true long before I started this blog a year and a half ago. While Jennifer Aniston and Sandra Bullock have appeared on more covers than BrAngelina, there are also the solo stories about Angie. If I split every story about the couple into a story about each, instead of BrAngelina being in third place and Angie being in tenth, she would be first and he would be second.

Heck, the gossip rags wouldn't care as much about Jennifer Aniston if she wasn't the modern day equivalent of Debbie Reynolds to Angie's Elizabeth Taylor.

While Brad gets mentioned in passing in one of this week's stories, the focus is on Angelina. Here are the headlines.

• In Touch: Angelina's $500,000 birthday gift
• Star: Angelina's secrets & lies
  tell-all book banned!
  Her secret trial separation from Brad
  Cheating - other men, other women
  Held hostage with a gun to her head
  11 Never-before-seen family photos
  Teen guitar hero
  First wedding
  
  

Bad mom alert: Chaz Bono offers Angelina help with Shiloh

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 2o June 2011

The low rent Examiner has a story about Angelina Jolie raising Shiloh as a boy and Chaz Bono says he can help. This is a complete re-hash of a story in OK! last month. Last year, there were a passel of stories about Shiloh's tomboy ways.

I just know what I read in these silly magazines and I don't believe half of that. If Angelina sticks to her decision to leave Chaz Bono the hell out of her parenting process, this is a move full of win, as the young people are fond of saying.

Meanest Story nominee: Angelina weighs 99 lbs and is hooked on heroin.

Publication: Star
Date: 13 June 2011

Star magazine says Angelina Jolie weighs 99 lbs. and is hooked on heroin. Brad's family is planning an intervention.

This last detail makes all the rest less believable, because Brad's family really hates her.

This is a nominee for Meanest Story of the Week.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™: Angelina tells Chaz Bono to "leave Shiloh alone!"

Publication: OK!
Date: 30 May 2011

There's plenty of stuff about the Jolie-Pitt brood in the gossip rags this week. OK! has Angelina finally reacting to Chaz Bono's request to meet with little tomboy Shiloh, with the simple answer "not only no, but hell no".

My only comment is that Shiloh really looks like her daddy in that picture. Of course, whether she looked like dad or mom, she's in a win-win situation, right?

No Bun In The Oven Alert™: Angelina talks adoption.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 23 May 2011

Angelina Jolie maintains her position as The True Queen Of All Gossip and Defender Of The Faith, or some such thing. She actually doesn't talk to the magazines much, but Weekly Life & Style says they have her talking about adoption, a subject she should know a thing or two about by now.

Comfy Shoes Alert™: Angelina's secret lovers.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 16 May 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Both of the big news stories of the week, the wedding of Wills'N'Kate and the assassination of Bin Laden, get plenty of space on the covers of the Only Ten Magazines That Matter and those headlines will be put up later. For now, let's explore what the gossip rags are saying about the perennial big story in the gossip world, Angelina Jolie.

In Touch says Angelina bats from both sides of the plate. Here are the sub-headlines.

• trysts with women behind Brad's back
• the girlfriend who shares her bed when he's away
• PLUS: the stewardess who rejected her!
  

Remarkably enough, with all the trash that is written about Angelina, this is the first story that says she's bisexual on the cover of any supermarket gossip rag for at least a year and a half.

Jen: I don't hate Angelina.

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 21 February 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays!

Jennifer Aniston has yet another movie coming out this month, and there have been a steady stream of stories about her in the supermarket rags for about a month now. In Touch tells us this week Jen does NOT hate Angelina Jolie, the evil homewrecker who stole the hunkiest possible hunk Brad Pitt away from her.

Though not mentioned on the cover, the source of this story is famously catty gossip celebrity Perez Hilton, who was surprised by Jennifer confronting him and asking why he was always so mean. Allegedly, the conversation has produced a changed man.

We will see how long the change lasts.

Completely Vague Headline Alert:What Angelina is like as a mom.

Publication: OK!
Date: 7 February 2011

OK! often runs short and generally sweet headlines, or as the case is here, something that is completely vague. Being given the benefit of the doubt on the cover is about the nicest treatment Angelina Jolie gets from any of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter.

Golden Globes reports

Publications: People, Us Weekly
Date: 31 January 2011

Both People and Us Weekly gave their stories about the Golden Globes front page treatment. Here are the respective headlines.

• People: The Globes - Dresses and Drama
• Us Weekly - Feuds, Hookups, Fashion

Us Weekly also had pictures of Natalie Portman showing her baby bump (see above) and Angelina Jolie. People had pictures of both of them and Anne Hathaway.

Fussin' and Feudin' Alert™:Angelina bullying Jen again

Publication: In Touch
Date: 31 January 2011

Just in case your calendar is on the fritz, you might need reminding that Brad Pitt left Jennifer Aniston six years ago now to hook up with Angelina Jolie. According to The Only Ten Magazines That Matter, it happened about a week ago. It's Hollywood's Evergreen Betrayal.

So In Touch needs to tell us that Queen Bitch Angelina Jolie is bullying poor little nice girl Jennifer Aniston again. Probably stealing her lunch money or making her sit at the table with all the math geeks or something.