All this week's news about Angelina Jolie.

Publications: In Touch, Star
Date: 27 June 2011

Angelina Jolie is the center of the American gossip solar system and everything revolves around her. This was true long before I started this blog a year and a half ago. While Jennifer Aniston and Sandra Bullock have appeared on more covers than BrAngelina, there are also the solo stories about Angie. If I split every story about the couple into a story about each, instead of BrAngelina being in third place and Angie being in tenth, she would be first and he would be second.

Heck, the gossip rags wouldn't care as much about Jennifer Aniston if she wasn't the modern day equivalent of Debbie Reynolds to Angie's Elizabeth Taylor.

While Brad gets mentioned in passing in one of this week's stories, the focus is on Angelina. Here are the headlines.

• In Touch: Angelina's $500,000 birthday gift
• Star: Angelina's secrets & lies
  tell-all book banned!
  Her secret trial separation from Brad
  Cheating - other men, other women
  Held hostage with a gun to her head
  11 Never-before-seen family photos
  Teen guitar hero
  First wedding
  
  

I Am Link

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--- Dino Might - Seems like it's every six months or so that we get some fresh Jurassic Park rumor-mongering - June of 2011 has Spielberg meeting with a writer to discuss possibilities or whatever. Seems to me this shouldn't be so damned hard - put some dinosaurs on an island, have humans visit said island, and go. Instant movie. As long as there's no strapping laser guns to dinosaur heads we're fine.

--- Cue The Freaks - The Last Circus, the new horror film from Alex de la Iglesia - see a "Ways Not To Die" ode to his 1995 bizzaro movie The Day of the Beast here - has got a trailer and you can watch it at Twitch Hopefully we'll get to see it here in the US somehow.
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--- Easy Being Green - Ryan Reynolds looks pretty darn adorable on the cover of the new Entertainment Weekly, eh? Too bad his movie's being savaged by the critics. Well not really "too bad," I mean I think the pretty boy can take it since he cashed his check awhile ago, no doubt. Probably in between his 485th and 486th sit-up of the day.

--- Labor Pains - Kate Winslet's signed on for Jason Reitman's next movie, opposite Josh Brolin - it's called Labor Day and the basic plot description is so generic, so been-there, it makes me anxious:

"Winslet will play a single mother of an awkward and isolated young son who takes in a stranger. He turns out to be an escaped convict and ends up teaches the boy life lessons, while she falls in love with him over the course of Labor Day Weekend."

It has to be more interesting that that sounds, right? Anyone read the book? Hey if it's got Kate I'll watch it, I just want good things for her, is all.
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--- War's The Pitts - STYD has got some shots from the set of World War Z, the adaptation of Max Brooks' zombie-apocalypse book that's finally getting made after a few years of yap. There's nothing much to see yet, but that nice look at the length of Brad Pitt there demands I at least link.

--- Vaguely Barsoomian - The LAT got to talk to John Carter (I'm really missing the "Of Mars" in this movie's title) director Andrew Stanton about how things are going with that film, which we saw the first (nippleless) poster from yesterday. They also got a couple pieces of concept art, which aren't altogether that thrilling but I'm sharing anyway. The top one's reminding me of the rainbow bridge from Thor, kinda?

Brad Pitt in Cannes.

Publication: People
Date: 30 May 2011

Plenty of stories about the Jolie-Pitt clan this week, including a solo story for Brad. People has him on the cover visiting the Cannes Film Festival, where his new movie The Tree of Life, directed by Terrence Malick, was both booed and won the Grand Prize.

The French. Go figure.

Besides playing at the film festival, the movie goes into very limited release next Friday, so this one gets the Planted Crap label as well.

Mother. Father. Brother. Bullshit.

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I considered leaving the extent of my opinion at that title for a brief dismissive second this morning, so frustrated do I find myself in the wake of Terrence Malick's The Tree of Life... but I do have some thoughts. And cinematographer Emmanuel Lubezki's astonishing work deserves more than that. For you and for yours, Emmanuel, I will speak.

And there were passages that I found mildly affecting here not just because every single shot is a breathtaking wonder to behold. Brief spots where the visuals, so unbelievably lovely, hit a stride along with an echo of truth aligning with the music and something resembling sentiment was birthed. It feels mean to cast dispersions at such eye candy, like throwing pies at beauty contestants as they round the catwalk. But the film feels the weight of the time Malick's spent staring at it - it could've been and presumably was edited up into a thousand different concoctions, and why he finally sprang this one on us in the end I have no idea. I think the problem, my problem, with the film is any cut would've been as valid as any other. I got more of an emotional wallop from the trailer than I ever did any moment in the film itself.

The character slates are so blank, so stock, it's a film that relies upon the viewer's projection upon it more than most, but at the same time The Tree of Life seems intent upon repelling such an instinct through its formal chaos. I caught about half of The New World on TV a week ago and was transfixed again by it - that film works, it casts a spell. Malick had a story there to hang his poetry upon. Before any of you doubt my Malick-fanboy credentials, I've loved everything he's done; seeing Badlands on a big screen was akin to a religious experience, and if I ever get the shot to see Days of Heaven blown up big my brains will surely leak from my ears. It's just everything here is drawn in such broad strokes that've been expressed many many times before, unto ruin, that I felt compelled more towards an eye-roll then I did much emotional connection. His themes are so big he forgot to fill in the spaces in between.

It's an odd feeling, watching someone strain so hard for hitting the Universal, and hardly touching you. Is it that I was an only child in a broken home? That I don't have the the austere edges of sharp mid-50s modernism shaping my childhood remembrances? Is it that any reach for a spiritual expression faces an uphill battle from me, even one so nondenominationally friendly as this? It's "spiritual," quotes included, in the sense that "God" is inside of us, our memories, our ability to close our eyes to live inside the spaces of our heads... more like our ability to hire Emmanuel Lubeszki and some terrific CG artists to paint the big bang and the sweep of all existence in vivid spectacular colors, hang some starchy oedipal themes across it, and call it a pipe.

I Am Link

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--- Strike A Pose - A few of the stories I'm shepherding into this post should probably get posts all their own, and this is one of them. Steven Soderbergh making a male stripper movie starring Channing Tatum, based on Channing's own well-documented g-stringed past? Uh... what? And I love the assertion that Soderbergh was totally gonna retire but this story was one he just couldn't not tell! The epic thrust of it! I love this crazy world sometimes. So that means SS is going from covering Michael Douglas in glitter for a Liberace bio-pic to stuffing Channing into a thong. Never leave us, Steven.

--- Slice N Dice - Slash has got the trailer for Takashi Miike's next film, which is apparently another samurai movie, called Hari-Kari: Death of a Samurai. It will be shown at Cannes.

--- Arrrgh? - I have no idea what the hell this Cobra: The Space Pirate movie is, but it's from Alexandre Aja so I'm immediately curious. But that poster is ridiculous. Ridiculous! (via) 

--- War Man - The terrific Anthony Mackie is up for a role in World War Z opposite Brad Pitt. I'm really curious to see how they managed to make a script from that book, which was just a series of stories told from the point of view of survivors of a zombie apocalypse. There wasn't a through-line to follow so much, no central characters. I guess they just pick one and follow him through the people's stories, probably. Not that hard.

--- The Pie King - Another story that'd deserve it's own post on a morning when I'm not too groggy for it is this: Lee Pace has joined the cast of The Hobbit! Kick-ass! Congrats, Lee! He'll be playing the Elven King Thranduil. I can already see the long flowing blond hair on him, can't you? He wore it so well in Soldier's Girl after all.

--- All Josses Eve - Rumors have it that Lionsgate intends to release Cabin in the Woods on October 28th. I am so glad the Saw movies are finished so we can have horror movies come out at Halloween again! Hooray!

--- Rape Me - The first couple of images from the so-unnecessary-it's-painful Straw Dogs remake, starring James Marsden and Alexander Skarsgård and some bland skinny blond woman, are over at BD, and just look at Alex there and tell me you wouldn't want to get raped by that. It's not rape if it's Alexander Skarsgård! Okay I'll stop that now. Sorry. I got carried away.

--- Chain Gang - And yet a third story deserving it's own post - Tarantino's next film has a title - Django Unchained - and a bit of plot. You can read about it over at DH. Sounds like it deals heavily with slavery and racism, in a Spaghetti Western sort of context. Instead of a Western he's calling it a Southern. Sounds like there's a kick-ass lead role in store for a lucky black actor.

--- Nerd Porn - There were some pictures taken from the NYC set of the next Spider-Man movie over the weekend and they included that adorable one of Andy there. how could I not share that? Collective awww. He looks so cute in glasses! Awww.

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Quote of the Day

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Yes it is the second Parks and Rec related post of the day, and we're only three posts in. I read this interview with Chris Pratt, who plays Andy on the show, last evening but it was too late in the day for a post, so here we be. There is so much to love in this chat with Vulture I don't even know where to start. How about the part where his wife my beloved Anna Faris shows up and gives him sausages to eat? (I want to be their friend more than any other pretend-celebrity-friendship in all the world.) Or the part where he talks about how they're trying to find a part for Anna to play on the show? (OH PLEASE YES!) Or the story he tells about Aubrey Plaza getting out of a parking ticket. Or how he'd fuck Brad Pitt and Rob Lowe... oh right let's go with that one.

Vulture: So is "awesomesauce" a word which originated with Andy? Or was it already in the lexicon?

Chris Pratt: I don't know. I'd never heard of it before. It has kind of become a thing, hasn't it? Oh my God, I have a catchphrase! I hope when I have kids and I'm walking around, someone comes up to me and asks me to say, "Awesomesauce." And then I can be like, "Fuck you! I was in Moneyball, too!"

Vulture: Speaking of which, how was Moneyball? A drama starring Brad Pitt: It seems like quite a departure for you.

Chris Pratt: It was unlike anything I'd ever done, not only tonally but the whole experience. I had to immerse myself in baseball. I had to learn how to hit a fastball left-handed and lose a bunch of weight. It was a huge challenge and felt so rewarding because I'd never really done straight drama.

Vulture: Was working with Brad surreal?

Chris Pratt: It was. But you don't allow yourself the chance to have that surreal moment. In retrospect, I do think I wish I had broken for a second, and just said to myself, "That's fucking Brad Pitt!" But in my quest to be professional, I never gave myself that moment. I felt it knocking at the door a lot. But he's so cool. And goddamn, he's good-looking.

Vulture: Who's more handsome: Brad Pitt or Rob Lowe?

Chris Pratt: They're both beautiful, like statues. But I'm gonna be honest: I'd fuck 'em both.

And I would watch you fuck them both, Chris Pratt, so we have that in common. I'd just noticed last week that Andy was looking a little bit slimmer in the episode - I guess that must've been for this role in Moneyball, which I didn't know he had. Chris Pratt in a baseball uniform! Yes. Maybe out of a baseball uniform...? Come on, Brad Pitt!

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poll by twiigs.com

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In the middle of last night's just-lauded-by-me episode the boyfriend turned to me and demanded that I give Pratt his gratuitous due, calling him "the cutest thing on television," and I cannot argue with that. I've been sitting on the batch of pictures of him at the beach with Anna for a long while now (and she's one of the few ladies I'd never edit out of anything), so they're oldies and you've probably seen 'em before, but they're goodies.

Man Slut Alert: Charlie Sheen's madam may name more names.

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 14 March 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Even if you only pay scant attention to gossip, you had to know this week's most popular celebrity would be the self-destructing Charlie Sheen. All the other stories that mention him this week are actually about him, but the low rent Examiner uses his name to trash others with rumors. They speculate about Sheen's madam's little black book and what names might be in it. They include Brad Pitt, no stranger to malicious gossip about his love life, and Vanna White's husband, also not a surprise given the low rent Examiner's continued claims that she is addicted to "bad boys". The third name on the list is unusual and not previously mentioned in the supermarket rags in 2010 or 2011.

Welcome to gossip hell, Kevin Costner! It surprises me to see his name bandied about in such a sordid way because:

1. He's dull as dishwater, and
2. I didn't even know he counted as a movie star anymore.

I'm cruel, but fair.

Oh, this is awkward alert: Jen runs into Brad

Publication: In Touch
Date: 14 March 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! What a difference a year makes. In early 2010, Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston were manning the phones at a celebrity telethon for Haitian earthquake relief and the supermarket rags had them at it hot and heavy. This week, In Touch says they happened to be in the same place at the same time and they were like, "Uh... hi!" "Um... hi." "You look good." "Uh... you, too." "Um... gotta go." "Yeah, see ya."