She Fought The Law Alert™: Casey Anthony's drunken party!

Publication: Globe
Date: 20 June 2011

While several gossip rags have had stories about the murder trial now taking place in Florida, the Globe is by far the most invested in the story. They have photos from a drunken party they say took place just four days after the little girl was murdered.

Let's recall that the National Enquirer had a headline to the effect Casey Anthony will walk free. The trial isn't over yet, but this looks like as bad a prediction as has been made all year, and I'm including Dr. Harold Camping.

Bad mom alert: Chaz Bono offers Angelina help with Shiloh

Publication: National Examiner
Date: 2o June 2011

The low rent Examiner has a story about Angelina Jolie raising Shiloh as a boy and Chaz Bono says he can help. This is a complete re-hash of a story in OK! last month. Last year, there were a passel of stories about Shiloh's tomboy ways.

I just know what I read in these silly magazines and I don't believe half of that. If Angelina sticks to her decision to leave Chaz Bono the hell out of her parenting process, this is a move full of win, as the young people are fond of saying.

She Fought The Law Alert™:As the trial starts, the gossip rags pay attention to the Casey Anthony trial.

Publications: People, National Enquirer, OK!
Date: 13 June 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Before this week, all the news about Casey Anthony, the mom on trial for her life for allegedly killing her daughter, has been in the Enquirer and Globe. Now that the trial has started, both People and OK! get in the game and the Enquirer takes a new tack. Here are the headlines.

• People: Caylee Anthony murder case
  Secrets & Lies
  Mom's shocking defense
  Bombshell testimony, new claims of sexual abuse inside accused killer Casey Anthony's trial strategy
• OK!: Casey Anthony caught in a lie
• National Enquirer: Casey Anthony will walk free!
  Killer mom's plan to escape death row!

As usual, if everyone else is saying x, the Enquirer feels duty bound to say "NOT x!"

Call it a marketing strategy.

Or lying. Whatever.

Bad mom alert: Mom torments Kardashian sisters over their bodies.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 23 May 2011

In Touch calls out Kris Jenner as a nasty beeyotch ruining the lives of her daughters. Here are the details.

• Kourtney pressured to get Botox to erase crow's-feet
• Khloe delays baby plans for lip after Kris calls her 'fat'
• Kim agrees to a super-sized butt implant to stay famous

Doesn't being famous sound like super fun?

Bad parents alert: BrAngelina's kids turn violent!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 21 March 2011

The Flagship doesn't like BrAngelina, but then again, The Flagship doesn't like anybody very much. Instead of calling Angie insane, this week they say all the kids are hellions. Here are the subheadlines.

• They are attacking each other
• Kicking, punching, scratching
• The vicious fight at school
• Brad's protecting the twins.
  

And just in case you've forgotten the names of any of their 748 children, there are separate photos of Maddox, Zahara, Pax, Shiloh, Knox and Viv.

Bad parents alert:Suri, diva on the set.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 31 January 2011

This week, Tuesday is Pick on Scientologists Day! Most of the nastiest stories about the people in the weird cult come from the AMI kennel, but this one is from In Touch, the meanest of the "regular" supermarket rags, with about one in three positive stories. (Note: that isn't even close to the Three Wicked Step Sister rags, who average one positive story in every nine.) In any case, yet again we have a story saying Suri Cruise is an out of control brat whose parents give her way too much leeway.

Bad mom alert:Angelina's kids think she's weird.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 27 December 2010

In Touch boasts an exclusive interview with Angelina Jolie and the biggest quote they have is that her kids think she's weird.

So her kids agree with 95% of the world's population. Nice to know.

Bad mom alert:Angie's violent rages at Shiloh!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 20 December 2010

Angelina Jolie has been the favorite topic of The Only Ten Magazines That Matter this year. While as a couple with Brad she is in third behind Sandra Bullock and Jennifer Aniston, she is also currently in the Top Ten as a solo act. Two months ago, the Globe told us she was jealous of her daughter Shiloh, now the Big Wicked Step Sister says she flies into rages, screaming at the child and slapping her.

Personally, I'll wait until one of the kids writes their Mommie Dearest.

Bad mom alert:Two Gosselin kids expelled from school

Publication: In Touch
Date: 22 November 2010

The supermarket rags have been living Gosselin free for about six weeks, but of course that couldn't last. In Touch tells us that two of the brood have been expelled from school.

Of course, in gossip world, this only reflects badly on the parents, or in this case the mother. I'm old fashioned so that seems fair to me. I'm so old fashioned, it used to be that if your daughter got knocked up by the son of the local drug dealer and had a baby before she graduated from high school, that also would reflect poorly upon the parents.

But it's okay if you are a Republican.