Damn You Fat Alert™: Stars lose the battle with cellulite.

Publication: Star
Date: 14 March 2011

The word of the week in the supermarket rags is "cellulite". There are two different stories in two different mags featuring the great uncured plague.

The Star rips on many celebrated females for having cellulite this week. There are some "Guess Who?" pictures, but I refuse to play that game. Of the women they name, blow up doll Heidi Montag, is shown to be smooth and over inflated everywhere except for her thighs with the tell tale lumpiness. Obviously, this is not the picture they used.

Kate Gosselin is also shown with a picture emphasizing her cellulite, which yet again is not the picture I'm featuring here.

And just so you don't think the Star is only interested in reality TV stars whose shows are either canceled or being retooled, pop star Britney Spears makes the cover of a supermarket rag for the very first time in 2011 because she has cellulite.

I'm sure she's thrilled.

Stars without make-up, January 2011 edition

Publication: Star
Date: 10 January 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Star magazine yet again has a cover story about stars without make-up. The four pictures on the cover are of two actresses and two reality TV stars.

• Courteney Cox
• Hillary Swank
• Bethenny Frankel
• Kate Gosselin

The picture above is of Bethenny Frankel of Real Housewives fame.

Blown Fortune Alert™:Kate Gosselin's money mess

Publication: In Touch
Date: 13 December 2010

Fresh trash on Thursdays! Last trash of the week... right now!

Compared to scripted TV, reality TV is cheap to make. This doesn't mean there isn't any money in it, as Sarah Palin can tell you. The most recent story of a reality TV star who could keep track of the pennies and dimes is Kate Gosselin. The sub-headline on the In Touch story is "how they blew millions", so I assume the story includes Jon, though as is standard this year, the picture is of Kate alone.

And the camera noses in to the tears on her face:Kate Gosselin dumped from TV

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 29 November 2010

Weekly Life & Style says Kate Gosselin will be dumped from her TV show. That would mean we wouldn't have to read about her anymore in gossip rags.

Wouldn't that be nice?

In the beginning of 2010, Kate Gosselin was one of the favorite cover stories in the American supermarket rags. Since June, the number of stories has fallen significantly. Soon, I'd guess no later than January 2011, when the gossip rags talk about "Kate" and do not mention a last name, it will mean a story about Kate Middleton and not Kate Gosselin.

Bad mom alert:Two Gosselin kids expelled from school

Publication: In Touch
Date: 22 November 2010

The supermarket rags have been living Gosselin free for about six weeks, but of course that couldn't last. In Touch tells us that two of the brood have been expelled from school.

Of course, in gossip world, this only reflects badly on the parents, or in this case the mother. I'm old fashioned so that seems fair to me. I'm so old fashioned, it used to be that if your daughter got knocked up by the son of the local drug dealer and had a baby before she graduated from high school, that also would reflect poorly upon the parents.

But it's okay if you are a Republican.