On the rocks alert: LeAnn marriage meltdown!

Publication: Star
Date: 27 June 2011

Way back in May 2010, Star wrote something nice about LeAnn Rimes. Since then, it's been nothing but negative stories about her in the most independent of the AMI rags. Though he is not mentioned by name, Star wants us to know that she is having trouble holding on to Eddie Cibrian, the man she stole from another woman.

Damn You Skinny Alert™: LeAnn Rimes and Courtney Love are wasting away.

Publication: Star
Date: 6 June 2011

As we already know, it's the job of female celebrities to look good. The problem is that they can be derided for being too skinny or too muscular just as easily as they can be mocked for being fat and out of shape. LeAnn Rimes has been in the gossip rags a lot over the past year and a half, and besides the stories about breaking up a marriage, there have been several about her body, from looking good to an enboobening alert to being scary skinny. This story counts among the latter category.

And welcome to gossip hell, Courtney Love! The widow Cobain may be a target for other gossip sources, but this is her first mention in The Only Ten Magazines That Matter in a year and a half, and this one is for the sin of being a bag of bones.

Bells are Ringing Alert™: Wedding of the year with LeAnn and Eddie!

Publications: People, In Touch
Date: 9 May 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! There's a really big wedding coming up in just a few days, but I can't remember who it is getting married.

Oh, yeah, LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian!

No, that's not it. Anyway, here are the headlines.

• People: LeAnn & Eddie's wedding album
• In Touch: LeAnn: mistress to married!

You may have noticed a subtle difference in the editorial slants in the two headlines.

Anyway, I'm just playing with you. Later this afternoon and Friday morning, we will be hip deep in Royal Wedding headlines from The Only Ten Magazines That Matter.

Bad Help Alert:Hollywood stylists get serious about the dish!

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 4 April 2011

I am ambivalent about bad help alerts.

Nannies blabbing to the gossip rags about kids? I disapprove.

Stylists blabbing about hair, make-up and wardrobe? Oh, somebody make some popcorn, this is going to be fun!

Star devotes a huge amount of their cover to dirt about celebrity beauty secrets, some questions given as "Guess who?", which means you will have to buy the magazine yourself to find out because I refuse to open these things unless under serious duress, and several stories where they name names. Here are all the headlines.

• Hollywood stylists tell all the flaws, the fakes, the fights
• Who has a closet just for Spanx?
• Who duct tapes her boobs?
• Who waxes her freaky toes?
• Who has to be sewn into her dresses?
• Who steals from her stylist?
• LeeAnn (Rimes): Starving for attention
• Rihanna: Seeing red
• Jen (Aniston): Finger fungus
• J. LO: Squeeze play (She is the boob duct taper.)
• Camille (Grammer): Closet confidential
• Bethenny (Frankel): Zit fit
  

I only know the boob duct tape story because Star put it on the front page of their website. As much as I might want to know who waxes her freaky toes and who steals from her stylist, I do have rules, and I obey them slavishly except under the most extreme situations.

Enboobening Alert™:LeAnn Rimes' new boobs.

Publication: In Touch
Date: 17 January 2011

It's been a while since we have had an Enboobening Alert™, and even longer since one was actually confirmed. Country singer LeAnn Rimes has made news recently for being either

a) a home wrecker or
b) someone serious about exercise.

As good as she has looked in PhotoShopped pictures (no insult to her, the magazines PhotoShop everything these days), she decided she needed a little more padding in the chestal area and paid for the upgrade, Show in pictures poolside from her recent vacation to Mexico.

Bun In The Oven Alert™:LeAnn Rimes' secret baby news

Publication: In Touch
Date: 13 December 2010

In Touch says LeAnn Rimes has secret baby news. Looking online, earlier rumors were shot down, but there aren't any denials more recent than early November.

Pregnancy rumors in the supermarket rags are very unreliable in general. Some of them are true, but it's really rare that pregnancies are reported in the Only Ten Magazines That Matter before the people involved make an official announcement.