Mater Goes Boom

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I didn't dislike the first Cars film as much as most people seem to have disliked the first Cars film, but if they are going to insist on making a sequel to it I can't imagine a less appetizing way to have gone than to have shifted their focus to the character played by Larry the Cable Guy. Small doses, dudes. Very very small doses! I'm taking Glenn's lead on this one because he and I saw pretty eye-to-eye on that first Cars film and he's seen the second one and sounds as if he wants to pluck out his own eyeballs in the wake of it, so I'll be avoiding. You?

Read some more of my thoughts on that flick and the rest

of the movies out this weekend over at Celebrity Beehive.

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Close Encounters of the Abrams Kind

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JJ Abrams ode-to-Spielbergia Super 8 is here, hoorah! I've avoided reviews but the general mood seems positive...? Well we'll know soon, I suppose. For now, read up what little more I have to say on that and the other couple of movies coming out this weekend over at Celebrity Beehive. I get to namedrop "pinochle" and "lanai" in the same sentence, yo. I'm ecstatically geriatric.

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Fassy Be Blowing Up

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For this week's piece on this weekend's new movies at Celebrity Beehive, thanks to the release of X-Men: Muppet Babies, I was given the opportunity to do something I hardly ever get - mention Michael Fassbender. Imagine that! I also get to use the phrase "manly cerulean pelt," so keep your eyes peeled for that one.

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There's No Beating Paul Bettany's Abs

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But that ain't gonna stop Kristen Wiig and Co. from trying, and man I hope they succeed!

I haven't bothered looking up box office predictions for this weekend, let me just cram hot needles into my eyes first and then I'll get to that favorite thing of mine right after that, but I've seen some chatter about Priest maybe doing well...? God, no. Who wants to see that thing? it looks so bad. There was a hot minute when I first heard about it, and Karl Urban and Cam Gigandet joined Bettany in the cast, that it sounded good on paper. But then I saw Legion, and then I saw Priest's trailers, and it just looks absolutely dire to me. DIRE. And no doubt the glimpse of him shirtless that you see in the trailer seen there will be the extent of it. They played me that way with Legion too! Fool me twice, shame on us all.

And Bridesmaids looks so good! And it's getting terrific reviews! Why would anyone on Earth choose post-converted-3D vampire-dreck over a retching Melissa McCarthy? I can't even comprehend it. 

Yadda yadda, head over to Celebrity Beehive where I speak upon these two films and all the other coming out this weekend.

Hot Thug Thor

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With the release of Thor today it seems a fine time to recollect that time Chris Hemsworth played a consistently half-naked thug in David Twohy's underrated caper A Perfect Getaway, right? I mean it's always a good time to recollect a half-naked Chris Hemsworth, not just today, and it's also always a good time to recollect A Perfect Getaway, and not only because Timothy Olyphant is also half-naked and naked-naked in it. I really let that sentence get away from me. 

Anyway I prefer this rough-n-tumble Chris Hemsworth to his airbrushed Hammer-god counterpart upon first inspection. How about you?

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poll by twiigs.com

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Alright with that important matter outta the way, now y'all can head over to Celebrity Beehive and read my take on all the movies coming out this weekend. yes, there are movies other than Thor out this weekend. I know, right? Weird. And if anybody wants to tell me what this broom jumping thing is all about go to town, I'm still too lazy to look that shit up.

And now for no good reason except every good reason here are the Hemsworth brothers touching each other.

Paul Walker is a Pussy...

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... cat. Awww, Paul Walker really does seem as harmless as a lil' kitten all tangled up in nonsense, doesn't he? Poor dear. Trapped with Vin Diesel's company for the rest of your days... shudder. I suppose he can comfort himself with all the hookers and blow the millions of dollars he's made from the undying Fast Now Sans Furious franchise will buy him.

Speaking of! I speak of that movie and several others that have today as their release date as the only thing they share in common over in my weekly Friday write-up at Celebrity Beehive. The big movies coming out this weekend make me want to pluck out my eyeballs with salad tongs and serve them on a bed of fresh greens, but there are two, count them two, smaller films out that I can definitely recommend.
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Anyway they be Werner Herzog's Cave of Forgotten Dreams (my review), which I found a little too long but transfixing all the same, and Takashi Miike's 13 Assassins (my review), which I blathered on about just yesterday so go read that if you need convincing. Of course, and correct me if I'm wrong, I do believe both of these are only available on big screens here in NYC, so if you're in one of the billion other places on Earth, well, too bad for you!
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Nice Trunk, Rob

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I wasn't all that enamored with the book Water For Elephants, so the movie version coming out today isn't exactly burning up my must-do list for the weekend. Instead I've got a few leftovers from the past couple of weeks - Meek's Cutoff! Your Highness! - that I intend to catch up on. (Yes, even though everybody and their mother's drug dealer soundly rejected Your Highness I still have every intention of going.) I spoke upon these matters over at Celebrity Beehive today, so go read that. What's y'all planning on seeing? I know you're already in line for the new Madea movie, don't front.

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Fourth Time's A Scream

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There are actually a couple of movies out this weekend besides Scream 4, and I mention them in this week's Celebrity Beehive piece, but who cares? Who cares??!!? Scream 4 baby! For the record I'm not seeing the movie until tomorrow, so please refrain from spoiling anything. But I am curious to know y'all's opinions as you see it...

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poll by twiigs.com

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From Hanna To Highness

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One of the lessons I have learned from having to keep better track of what's coming out every weekend now that I write a column about it week in and week out is what an enormous mess of shit that I don't want to see there is constantly coming out weekend after unholy weekend. So much dreckitude! So when a weekend rolls around where there's not just one movie but several that I want to see, well now it feels like something of an event. This weekend there are four movies that I want to see coming out. Four! Head over to Celebrity Beehive to get my thoughts upon them.

Of course wanting to see and actually finding the time to see are two very different things. As I mentioned earlier I'm seeing The Book of Mormon tonight, and then there's Carrie playing at BAM on Sunday... finding time for four movies in between all that in the span of two days will prove a little much. The only one I know I'm seeing for sure is Arthur, which is the one I've probably got the least expectations of (although the brutal reviews for Your Highness have got me second-guessing myself there). 

Oh well, there's always next week! It's amazing how front-loaded movie-going feels these days, as if, if I don't take the chance and run to see something the very first minute it's available, then I've lost the chance forever. It took me a couple of weeks but I finally got myself out to see Paul last weekend, even though it'd faded from the national discourse right quick. Miracles can and do happen!

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poll by twiigs.com

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I Wouldn't Do That If I Were You, Jake

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This will be the only time that I ever advise against it, but sneaking up behind Patrick Wilson might not be the best idea this weekend. He's awfully jumpy. He's got good reason to be, what with the terrifying demons and what not. And anyway, Jake's got problems of his own, what with the constant exploding.

Both Source Code (my review) and Insidious (my review) are out today, and they're both worth seeing, besides a couple of minor reservations here or there. You'd have a fine weekend at the multiplex if you sought them both out. There are several other movies out today as well, and you can read up on my thoughts on those over at Celebrity Beehive. I blame Hop for altering the course of humanity, amongst other things, so don't miss it!

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