Bun in the oven alert™?: Joran van der Sloot gets a girl pregnant in jail!

Publication: Globe
Date: 4 July 2011

The last Joran van der Sloot update was back in April, but this week the Globe tells us her has gotten a girl pregnant while in jail in Peru. They also identify his as "Natalee's killer", a reasonable assumption but not a thing ever proved in court.

The Globe is proud that this is a "world exclusive". Of course, when you make stuff up, it's easier to have world exclusives.

He Fought The Law Alert™: Joran and his dad hid Natalee's Body in a Tomb.

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 25 April 2011

When Joran van der Sloot was captured in Peru last year, the Enquirer and People put him on the cover, identifying him as Natalee Holloway's likely killer. Since then, the only magazine that has mentioned Natalee has been the Enquirer. This week, they say van der Sloot's dad was complicit in hiding the evidence. Here are the sub-headlines.

• Tossed her body in a corpse filled casket
• FBI finds murder details on his computer
  

Last June, the Enquirer said they had found her grave. That was a lie. In November, they said she was buried alive. No evidence there either, but that has never stood in the way of the Enquirer when there is a grisly story to be told.

He fought the Law alert:Joran van der Sloot threaten's to kill Natalee's mom

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 13 December 2010

It's been six months since Joran van der Sloot was arrested in Peru for murder. When that news first broke, both the National Enquirer and People put him on the front cover. Since then, all the cover stories have been in the Three Wicked Stepsister tabloids, the low rent Examiner, the Globe and The Flagship Enquirer. According to them, he has escaped, attempted suicide, confessed to Natalee Holloway's murder, gotten married, contracted AIDS, given the police in Aruba vital information and done a LOT of drugs. These three magazines have made Joran a bigger supermarket gossip star than Jennifer Lopez or Whitney Houston this year.

Now he has threatened to kill Natalee's mom, which is tough to pull off when he's in a jail cell in Peru and she lives in Alabama.

I get the feeling they won't let go of this story until he dies in prison, and even then they'll tell tales of his ghost haunting people.

Dig up a corpse, why don'tcha?Natalee Holloway was buried alive

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 6 December 2010

The Flagship continues with the charade that they have inside information about Natalee Holloway's murder that actual legitimate news organizations don't have or won't publish. Last week a jawbone was found, but dental records say it wasn't Natalee's. The Flagship says that more bodies were found, which is true, but the grim details of how she died are only known to the man who killed her, who nearly everyone believes is Joran van der Sloot, and if he is giving information, it isn't very reliable.