Bells are Ringing Alert™: Rob and Kirsten's Twilight wedding.

Publication: OK!
Date: 20 June 2011

Last year, OK! had a seriously delusional person writing their cover copy. Anything that was happening to the characters from Twilight was happening in the lives of the actors. It wasn't Edward and Bella getting married, it was Rob and Kristen. Now at least, they seem to understand the difference between the characters and actors.

On the rocks alert: Rob and Kristen split!

Publication: Star magazine
Date: 13 June 2011

Star magazine reports that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are no longer a couple. They say that cheating has torn them apart.

GossipCop.com calls bullshit on them, but this is nothing to sue over.

On the other hand, Angelina Jolie on heroin probably is something Star will get sued for, since they already lost cash calling Katie Holmes a pill popper.

Love Bird Alert™: Rob and Kristen living like newlyweds.

Publication: OK!
Date: 6 June 2011

OK!, the nicest of the gossip rags if not the most reliable, wants us to know the real life romance of Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart is going along swimmingly.

If they break up some short while after the last of the Twilight movies becomes available on DVD, I for one will not be surprised.

Bells are Ringing Alert™: Wedding of the year from Twilight!

Publications: Us Weekly, Weekly Life & Style
Date: 9 May 2011

Fresh trash on Thursdays! There's a really big wedding coming up, but I can't for the life of me remember who is getting married.

Oh, that's right, it's Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart! Or is it Edward and Bella? In any case, here are the headlines.

• Us Weekly: Twilight honeymoon photos
• Weekly Life & Style: Rob & Kristen's secret honeymoon

You can see why I'm confused about whether it's the characters or the actors.

You know, the more I think about it, I don't think this is the big wedding this weekend. I know it will come to me eventually.

Rob Pattinson interview: On Kristen, Oscars and his worst day ever

Publication: OK!
Date: 14 March 2011

Just as the Globe tells us a bunch about their target demograhpic by having a story about NASCAR on the cover, OK! lets us know who reads OK! by having an exclusive interview with Robert Pattinson. The next Twilight release is many months away, but he does have a movie coming out next month co-starring Reese Witherspoon, Water for Elephants.

On the rocks alert: Kristen jealous of Rob's new co-star!

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 21 February 2011

Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!

The story so far. The gossip rags keep telling us Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are a couple in real life.

Kind of like Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens were supposed to be a couple as long as their movie franchise was hot.

But the course of true love never did run smooth, and now Kristen is jealous of Robert's co-star on a new project. I looked online for verification, but the Life & Style website doesn't have a search mode (lame) and "kristen stewart jealous" gives a bunch of links to 2009 when she was supposed to be jealous of Rob's co-star in Remember Me.

The story doesn't change much over time, does it?

Most Dishonest Story of the Week:Rob and Kristen's wedding and baby news

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 7 February 2011

So here's the first Twilight story of the new year, and once again we have a magazine confusing Rob and Kristen the actors with the characters they portray, Edward and Bella.

I don't think this is a big spoiler alert for the Twilight fans. Edward and Bella get married and have a baby. Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are actors who may or may not be dating in real life. This one gets the prize for Most Dishonst Story of the Week.

Looking over the list of Most Dishonest winners in the past, all of the awards have gone to Weekly Life & Style or OK!, and most of those have been Twilight stories. The others have been separate headlines saying actresses Katie Holmes and Jennifer Aniston were pregnant when in fact they were playing characters who were pregnant.

Love Bird Alert™:How Rob seduces Kristen

Publication: OK!
Date: 20 December 2010

The headline writers at OK! are notoriously bad at telling fact from fiction. They have had the couple actually married several times this year and they did the same in 2009. Now at least, they tell a story that sounds like they are still courting, which is the official line publicists would like the fans of Twilight to believe.

Baby steps, guys. You are making great progress.

Planted Crap Alert:Secrets from Breaking Dawn

Publication: Weekly Life & Style
Date: 13 December 2010

This is the fourth straight week that stories about the filming of Breaking Dawn have been in The Only Ten Magazines That Matter, a publicity push that seems oddly timed for a movie scheduled to open eleven months from now. The saturation marketing makes a little more sense when we take into account that Eclipse, most recently released movie in the series, is now available on DVD and would make lovely holiday gifts for the vampire obsessed fans on your shopping list.

Just trying to help.

Bun In The Oven Alert™:Kristen Stewart talks about her character being pregnant

Publication: OK!
Date: 13 December 2010

OK! has been like a delusional person over the past few months. They have had several reports of actresses getting pregnant when in fact they were playing pregnant characters in movies, or reported on marriages of actors when it was just roles they were playing.

This week, they say it right up front. Kristen Stewart talks about playing Bella, a character in a movie who gets pregnant. (I hope this isn't a huge spoiler for fans.)

While I am not the therapist for the headline writers at OK!, I'd like to tell them that they are making excellent progress and I believe they will soon be able to tell reality from fiction on a regular basis and become productive members of society once again.

Nice work, fellas.

Love Bird Alert™:Twilight's hottest love scene yet

Publication: OK!
Date: 6 December 2010

Fresh trash tomorrow! Last trash of the week... right now!

This story is a step up for OK!, who admit that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are actually actors in a movie playing love scenes. While other gossip rags report on their alleged off-screen romance, OK! has had stories this year that she was pregnant, they were going to get married and that they got married. All three of those have been denied.

Bells Done Rung™ Alert:Rob and Kristen JUST MARRIED

Publication: OK!
Date: 29 November 2010

I've already expressed my distaste for the magazines in the AMI kennel, notably the Enquirer, Globe, Examiner and Star, many times. They are mean and their headline writers have no regard for the truth. I'm starting to dislike OK! just as much. They are not mean. In fact, no other magazine prints as many positive headlines as OK! But their headline writers are just as guilty of lying as anyone who cashes a paycheck from AMI.

This week, OK! devotes most of the cover to the big news that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are JUST MARRIED! The details include the big event was in Brazil and the honeymoon was in Rio.

It's not true, not a word of it. I'm sorry if this is a spoiler for anyone, but that's actually part of the story of the movie series the two actors are best known for, Twilight.

This would be a good time to recall that OK! went with several stories about Jennifer Aniston being pregnant back early this summer, none of which were true, but she did have a movie coming out where her character got pregnant.

OK! is not the only gossip rag guilty of implying events that happen on screen to characters are actually happening to the actors themselves. Katie Holmes was playing Jackie Kennedy in a TV miniseries shot earlier this year that will air on the History Channel in 2011, and Weekly Life & Style made it sound like Katie was pregnant instead of her playing Jackie when she was pregnant. That story made me invent the Most Dishonest Story Of The Week label, which I am happy to give to this story of fake wedded bliss this week.

I really should trot out this label more often.

Love Bird Alert™:more Rob and Kristen stories

Publications: Us Weekly, Star
Date: 22 November 2010

I would be tempted to call these stories Planted Crap, but the next Twilight movie doesn't open for a year, so it isn't that. Even far away from the next movie's release, the gossip rags still want to let people know about the two love birds.

Us Weekly: Twilight Sexy New Love Scenes
Star: Rob and Kristen red hot in Rio

The supermarket mags' demographic skews older than the online gossip audience, so this is aimed more at Twilight moms than the teenage fans.