Brave Last Days Alert: The Enquirer and Globe gang up on Liz Taylor

Publications: National Enquirer, Globe
Date: 28 February 2011

Last week, the Enquirer had a big bold headline saying it was THE END for Miss Elizabeth Taylor. As often happens, the Flagship jumps the gun on this stuff a lot. The real news is that she was diagnosed with congestive heart disease several years ago, she recently entered the hospital in Los Angeles, and while the stay in the hospital is continuing, her doctors say the health of the film legend is steadily improving.

This of course does not stop the Wicked Step Sister tabloids from continuing to shovel dirt on her.

• National Enquirer: Liz: Secret heart operation
• Globe: Dying Liz's last birthday party before being rushed to the hospital with heart failure

Because the Globe put the phrase "last birthday party" in the headline, this counts as an Expiration Date, since they do not expect her to see her birthday in February of next year.

I have no inside information, as usual, but I for one would not bet money against Miss Elizabeth Taylor. Not only is she one of the last living legends in Hollywood and an incomparable beauty, deep down were it really counts, Miss Elizabeth is a tough old bird.

Best wishes as always to Miss Elizabeth Taylor, her friends and family, from a fan.

UPDATE: Miss Elizabeth Taylor died on March 23, 2011, so the prediction that this was her last birthday party is the first correct Expiration Date of 2010-2011. The Enquirer got a lot of credit for saying Michael Jackson had six months to live, but they make these kinds of predictions frequently and almost always get them wrong.

Meanest Story nominee: Steve Jobs has six weeks to live.

(photo nicked from Gizmodo.com)
Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 28 February 2011

Welcome to gossip hell, Steve Jobs! A few weeks back, the face of Apple computer since its inception stated he would take some time off to address a health concern. The Flagship decided to tell us this week he shouldn't fill out a March Madness bracket because he won't be around to watch the Final Four play.

Here are the facts I've been able to find wandering around the Internet. Jobs was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 2003 but it was operable and it's gone. In 2009, he had a liver transplant. That's a lot of serious health problems for a guy who is my age, but obviously he can afford the best health care in the world.

Not every Brave Last Days story gets nominated for Meanest Story of the Week, but when they have Expiration Dates as well, the nomination is pretty much sewn up.

Best wishes to Steve Jobs, his family and friends, from a guy writing a blog on a Mac Mini.

Meanest Story nominee:Aretha Franklin has six months to live!

Publication: National Enquirer
Date: 20 December 2010

The National Enquirer prints a true story, the sad news that the Queen of Soul has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Of course, that isn't enough for the Flagship, who says the great singer has only six months to live. For a more measured diagnosis, you read this story in the Los Angeles Times online.

Best wishes to Miss Franklin, her family and friends, from a fan.